Sunday, September 26, 2010

Only Stevi's Puppy...

The other day me and my friend Stevi were walking to her house from my house and she gets a call saying her mom her there right now so she can by Stevi a chihuahua. So we run to Stevi's house. Suddenly I'm at Walmart holding a chihuahua so small my kitten could eat it, and then at Petsmart getting crap for the puppy and then I'm sitting at Stevi's house looking like this

Meet the new chihuahua puppy.

After things settle down, Stevi and I start to watch stuff on her computer.

While watching whatever on her computer Gibby starts to make his way up my shoulder.

To my ardent horror he starts to crap on the edge of the couch.

I flip the puppy over my head hand under his ass the entire time and run him over to his little crapping area.

When dog is safely on the training pad and Stevi is congratulating him on taking a dump,I ask her a question.

She begins to check out what the hell might be in my hair.

Stevi suddenly bursts out laughing so hard she's crying.

I start to freak out but I laugh too because that's what I do when other people laugh at something not funny.

So I try to get information out of Stevi who is laughing so hard she's about to pee.
ME:What's so funny?
STEVI:HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ME:Is there crap in my hair?
STEVI:HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
ME:WHAT THE HELL IS IN MY HAIR THAT IS MAKING YOU LAUGH?
STEVI:Ha...Crap...HAHAHA...In hair...HAHAHAHAHA...two pieces...HAHAHAHAHA

After washing the crap out of my hair Gibby and I had a very strained relationship.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

A Demigods Duty

I haven't had time to draw anything or create any stories, so today I was relaxing when this story popped up and did a little jig in my head so I started to write it down, and show it to my avid audience (well, half of it.)

Cody sat criss-cross in the center of a circled pentagram with pink candles at the points of the star. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and rechecked his spell and Greek pronunciations of the spell. Then he started to mix flower petals, pure water and lavender oil mixed with rose, in a small glass jar. After the sweet scents were mixed he began to chant in a low mumble that built as he repeated.

As he reached crescendo there was a flash of white light and the rustle of wind that smelt of blood. Cody sat there panting trying not to hyperventilate, at the surprise that a spell in a cheap dime store novel actually worked. He looked around, hopeful. Where was his…he picked up the book to recheck what the hell was suppose to come out of the ritual…demigod?

“Hey kiddo,” a husky voice said from behind. Cody yelped and fell over himself to turn around and see the intruder. There stood a girl with body armor so small it barely covered the necessities. She leaned lazily on a ridiculously large sword with her hands on the hilt and her head placed on the top.

“A-are you m-m-my demigod,” Cody asked his voice squeaking on the end of ‘demigod’. The girl looked him up and down disappointed. Lonely. Whoa, Cody thought, where did that come from? She gave a long sigh, “I am a demigod but I sure as hell am not yours. Now, what do you need kid, a bully in need of a massacre, a jock who gave you one too…” she stopped short and looked at the spell he used to bring her here. “Crap.” Cody ignored her observations and got up and started clearing the garage floor.

“I n-need you to h-help me to g-get this girl to f-fall for me.” Cody didn’t often stutter. It was his defense mechanism when scared, people often made fun of it. The demigoddess snickered “Who’s the lucky girl?” Cody shimmied a picture of Cat out of his pockets hands full. He quickly handed it to the demigoddess and returned to hiding his ritual equipment. Almost as soon as she glanced at the photo turned it around and said “Really Cody?” Cody dropped the equipment and stammered up to the goddess to snatch the photo out of her hand. She pulled it out of his reach playfully. He stopped and glared at her pulling back to his original position The picture showed a girl with dyed black hair and scarred wrist, glaring at the camera and flipping off the person behind the lends.

“How do you know my name,” Cody said raising an eyebrow. She laughed walking around the room. “When people stopped worshipping us all that was left to do was learn languages, make love to anything, create chaos, and learn names.”

“So what is your name,” Cody countered.

“I am Achlys, daughter of Aphrodite and Ares. Of love and war, ha ha,” she spat out sarcasm dripping off the words. Cody winced at her bitter humor. Her home life was not as spectacular as the myths and stories told. She returned the photo and ther was an air of awkward silence.

“So what do we do now,” Cody questioned, wanting to get her out of her garage as fast as he could.

“Lets go shopping,” she said, “First give me some clothes.”


“Achlys, where the hells are we,” Cody said. They were at a small motorcycle shop and the demigoddess was looking at some classic Harley’s. She asked if Cody had a license, he said yes and here they are. Great.

“We are getting you a ride then it will be much easier to get to all the stores I plan to bring you to,” she said pointing at a classic Harley motorcycle and catching an employs attention.

“Where did you get the money to buy this,” Cody assailed snarkily. Archlys snorted her hair whipping around her in a whirl as she turned; she had craftily hid her sword in her shirt so it was invisible to the unsuspecting eye. “I’m a god, I can pull money out of thin air, but instead I stole this guy Hugh Hefner’s credit card. The guy was rich and so old he should die so I though ‘Why not.’” Cody mentally smacking himself did not protest when she bought the motorcycle. He’d wanted a car so why not go with something a little cooler.

While waiting for the befuddled employee to get the papers for the motorcycle Achlys asked, “What do you see in that girl, she has some serious issues, is in a totally different social group from you and she is, frankly, the meanest person I’ve seen so far.”

Cody’s eyebrows jumped at the last comment, they were sitting in a place that was almost identical to a biker bar but without the need for an I.D. “Well…” Cody started, “she’s pretty and at moments she looks as if she’s drowning in the world and I want to be there to help her out.” Achlys looked thoughtful for a moment, “That’s poetic,” she said, “also something you’d expect from an oracle.”
Cody ignored the ‘oracle’ part; he did not feel the urgency to know if he was beyond average. “What’s life like for you as a demigoddess?”

“Mom will screw anything in a five mile distance, while Dad will kill anything in a five mile distance. Things were obviously difficult. That’s not even mentioning that I lived with my father and was taught the beauty of war, while my mothers husband tried to kill me every other decade, and my mother would run off with another lover at any chance she got. And GODSDAMMIT could you have asked for anything else BUT love?!?!?!”

Cody felt an enormous amount of pity for Achlys at the end of her rant, but had no chance for condolences or answers to her heavy desperate gaze, the clerk had shown up with the papers. Achlys visibly calmed down took the papers and began filling them out and getting ready to pay for the Harley.

P.S. I'm sorry it's badly edited and all that jazz but I didn't have the heart to ask my mom to edit it. TTFN

Monday, September 6, 2010

Things I'll Tell You About Next Week If My Homework Load Drops Eighty Pounds

So this weekend I went to SacAnime and had a super duper awesomely fun time which will soon be described in infinite detail...next week, congratulations! So here are some weird stuff I drew on the computer a few months ago but didn't publish, because I didn't feel it was all that funny..
A shark and a dinosaur combined making a...SHARK! (sharks are technically dinosaurs so it doesn't matter much that it has the body of a tyrannosaurus-rex)


Spongebob combined with a mermaid...makes something you wish you could forget (we always knew he was a little "off".)


A tiger mixed with Merlin makes...TILIN one thousand times more deadly than Dumbledore and Gandolf combined.


A frog mixed with a bear makes...A Really Ugly Ufo Ginormous Like Yeti shortened to R.U.U.G.L.Y.


A hyperbole of a book eater.


A skunk combined with a vampire makes...Count Stinksalot, he'll not only kill you, but make you smell like crap.


A Flying Monkey...That's it I got kinda bored and made this.

I have to go draw some pictures, take some pictures... so TTFN.