Boys

My parents are deeply disturbed by my taste in guys. My mother keeps trying to find a better name for them than what I came up with which is pot-smoking-douche-bag (PSDB- it sounds like an STD or something doesn't it). She changed it to hippie and sk8r and other ridiculous names but it did nothing to change that I had a fetish for PSDB. It has gotten to the point where I can pick a PSDB out of a crowd ,randomly, if someone asked what kind of guy I liked (it's the same weird sixth sense that somehow makes me pick out the priciest thing in a store.)
I'll be talking to a more social friend and be like, "That guys kinda cute"

Friend: He smokes weed and has a lot of family issues.

ME (a little surprised):Okay that guy is pretty hot.

FRIEND:He sells crack with his parents.

ME (Desperately): He's pretty decent.


FRIEND: He has a sex addiction.

ME (On the verge of sobbing): Is there anybody here who doesn't have any serious problems?!?!?!

FRIEND: He does and a couple of other guys.

ME(Hadn't even glanced at those guys):I am so screwed.

I don't know why but I get this...


...out of something like this.

I am not very um... educated when I'm around guys it's like my brain got up and decided to leave me drowning in their pheromones.

It's at these moments that I really wish I were a dude life would be simpler and I wouldn't give a rats ass about looking "bad stuff" up on the internet to relieve my hornyness (is that still used? is that even a word?). (Yet again I'm happy no one reads this.)But I'm a girl so I look goo eyes at every PSDB that comes walking in.

It doesn't help that my friend Britz encourages this, like this one time I had this crush on a guy and I would be talking about underwear or something and Britz would go "Potato"
ME: What?

BRITZ: How's ***** doing?"

ME:I don't know he never talks to me.

BRITZ: ASK. HIM. Out.

Me:Um...no.

BRITZ: Why?

ME: I don't wanna.

BRITZ: He's cute. He talks to you. You like him. ASK. HIM. OUT.

ME: He doesn't talk to me? I thought we already went through this.

BRITZ: I found him on your facebook and told him you liked him and he likes you too. ASK.HIM.OUT.

ME:What the F*** Britz?

BRITZ: ASK.HIM.OUT.

ME (to a higher being):Kill me now.

Well of course she did this about every guy I talked about. I would mention a guys name and she'd be...

Or I would accidentaly hint at a guy and she blow one of those at me. Like this one time during lunch I was talking about one of mom's books...
ME: Sorry, I couldn't give you the book you wanted. Some guy at my moms school wanted it.

BRITZ: ...A---

ME:HE'S GAY!

BRITZ: You're no fun.

She did this because she really wanted a double date, though she'll never admit it.

One of my major problems with the male species is my frequent love hate thing going with them.






I still haven't found a cure for that. Well now you know that I'm always thinking about guys (I blame my mother and manga.)And they intentionally invade my brain.